Thursday, August 19, 2021

When everything feels fragile

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The earth quakes. It rumbles. It trembles, sort of like a roar, a shiver. I didn’t see it; I’ve never experienced it, but I heard the news. “1,900-plus Haitians are believed to be dead,” the faint voice of the news reporter says over my car radio, “and hundreds are believed to be missing.”

Another headline reads: “The latest on Afghanistan as Taliban take charge.”

Another: “13-year-old Mississippi girl dies of COVID-19.”

Her name was MKayla Robinson; “she was loved,” a school administrator says.

I think back to young Black children like her who I taught and how I couldn’t protect them either.

I can feel how afraid people are for their children — how tired they are that those who make decisions for their lives remain callous in their deaths.

... I feel helpless, hopeless, as if a thousand lifetimes and mother’s prayers and daddy’s words and Bible verses could never prepare me for how fragile life feels.

I pause.

I scroll.

I put my phone down on my desk, grab my pen, open up my black journal and write: “We are living through way too much human pain, suffering, and confusion. This is not normal. Don’t ever get used to this.”

“Scary monsters, Daddy,” my son says playfully as he runs from his room, to the bathroom, and back to his room again. I grab my phone and run upstairs. “What are you afraid of? What’s in your room?” He grabs his cheeks with both of his small, brown hands. “So scary,” he says. He laughs. “You ain’t got nothing to worry about,” I said. “Daddy right here.”

I know this is a lie: There is so much to fear. Monsters are real, and sometimes we become them, leaving all types of death and destruction and tears and trauma in the path.

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