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[…] For 10 years, Jane was married to a man she met at her church — a leader of the worship team. Everything seemed to be going well until she gave birth to her second child. The man Jane once knew as kind and loving turned into a violent stranger. She was scared to speak up because of her husband’s leadership position in the church. Afraid that no one would believe her, she assumed the role expected of her as a quiet, submissive wife. But when her husband threatened to hurt their children, Jane feared he would act on his threat; she reached out to the church for help. However, the leadership condemned divorce and encouraged her to “submit” in marriage. During this time, they allowed her husband to stay in his position of leadership. Feeling betrayed, Jane sought support from other congregation members who heard her story and believed her. With their support, Jane left her abusive husband and moved to safe housing with her children. She is currently part of a domestic violence healing group, where we met, and no longer attends that church. Because the church’s leaders chose to believe her abuser, Jane no longer felt safe in a place that was supposed to be her sanctuary. [...] As a survivor myself, I resonate with the many fears and social constructs that forced Jane to stay in her abusive relationship. I also can relate to the experiences of betrayal that side with the falsified stories of men over the lived experiences of women. Communities of faith should be an intentional place for survivors of domestic violence to find healing, refuge, and safety. However, like in Jane’s story, it can also be an unsafe place that hinders the process of healing.The steps, responses, and practices offered in this article are meant to be a beginner’s guide to what congregations — including lay members — need to know about preventing, recognizing, and responding to domestic abuse in their midst.
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